Fired for playing fantasy football

Lots of us play fantasy football with our co-workers. It's our only way of breaking up the monotony of life in a poorly-lit cubicle or dulling the sting of layoffs, paycuts, furloughs and other unpleasantries.

But did you know you could get fired for it?

That's what happened to these four guys at Fidelity Investments in Texas. Turns out an inter-office communication about Trent Edwards' suckiness tipped off management to a $20 office league. An investigation ensued, and four league commissioners got canned for violating a company policy that prohibited gambling.

Seems like a pretty harsh overreaction to something that goes on in thousands, if not millions, of workplaces around the country. Shame on you, Fidelity.

Three teams I'm trying to avoid

Call me crazy, but an NFL team firing its offensive coordinator less than two weeks before the start of the regular season usually isn't a formula for offensive excellence. That's why I'm trying to avoid most players from these three franchises:

CHIEFS

Of all three of these revamped/reworked/rebuilt offenses I'm talking about, the Chiefs were perhaps the most intriguing. Even though now-departed Chan Gailey was a holdover from the previous (unsuccessful) coaching regime, new K.C. head man Todd Haley is the mastermind behind the Cardinals' electrifying offense from a year ago. The firing of Gailey might not make a huge difference, but there were already warning signs about this offense: the poor offensive line play of the past few years, the decline of Larry Johnson and his various issues, the departure of Tony Gonzalez and the preseason injury suffered by new QB Matt Cassel. The combination of all red flags makes K.C.'s playmakers a little less desirable than they seemed during the offseason. WR Dwayne Bowe and Cassel should probably drop out of the preseason top 10 at their respective positions, and I don't trust LJ as anything more than a No. 3 RB at best. Still like Jamaal Charles as a deep sleeper though.

BUCS

The firing of OC Jeff Jagodzinski kind of came out of left field. Remember when the guy was a big NFL head coaching prospect? Well whatever, I guess being faced with the prospect of Byron Leftwich or Luke McCown as his starting QB, he was probably set up to fail anyway. McCown was traded to Jacksonville over the weekend, and Leftwich is officially the Bucs' Week 1 starter now, which shouldn't excite you much. It doesn't bode well for Antonio Bryant or Kellen Winslow either, so bump them down a peg from wherever they would be with a better QB at the helm. The Bucs do have a promising offensive line and should be able to to run the ball; the problem is they have three decent RBs to share the load, which means you have to be a bit skeptical of Derrick Ward, Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams until we see their roles.

BILLS

Buffalo's Turk Schonert is another assistant coach who never even got to start the season in his new position. He's blasting head coach Dick Jauron because the offensive playcalling "wasn't simple enough." A little imagination might not hurt after the Bills have been so ineffective on offense the past few years. Terrell Owens certainly livens things up a bit, but I'm proceeding with caution and treating him like a No. 2 fantasy receiver. Trent Edwards is no Tony Romo (or Donovan McNabb or Jeff Garcia) at this point and has a long way to go before he's anything more than a low-end fantasy backup. Lee Evans is tantalizing as always but seems perpetually bound to disappoint no matter what you expect out of him. And it's tough to take a chance on either Marshawn Lynch or Fred Jackson when you know there will be a major shakeup in their roles once Lynch serves his season-opening four-game suspension.

T.O. to .... Buffalo?

The people have spoken, and I'm back to the blog!

The news that brought me out of my winter hibernation: Terrell Owens is a Buffalo Bill.

OK, didn't see that coming. I was thinking the Raiders, maybe the Redskins ... but this is truly a fascinating move. T.O. goes from America's Team to the NFL's hinterlands, a team desperate for some offensive juice - if not the attention-grabbing, chemistry-ruining nonsense that comes with him.

We're all sick of the endless ESPN drama, but it's easy to forget Owens has actually been a very productive player on the field, topping 1,000 yards and scoring at least 10 TDs in each of the past three seasons in Big D. Can he replicate those numbers in cold and windy Buffalo, at age 35, with Trent Edwards throwing him the ball and fewer Pro Bowl-caliber players surrounding him? I'm not willing to bet my first-round pick on it ... but I do believe Owens will sbe a No. 1 fantasy receiver in 2009. The track record is there - he's produced everywhere he's played, at least until he inevitably wears out his welcome.

As for Edwards and the rest of the Bills' skill guys - Lee Evans, Marshawn Lynch, Fred Jackson, etc. - Owens' arrival should be reason to celebrate. What had been an anemic offense just got a whole lot more explosive, and all of their stats should see a boost next season as a result.

A bailout plan for your fantasy team

Your stock portfolio is tanking. Your 401(k) took a big hit. Your bank just went under, your job’s offering buyouts, and you can barely afford a gallon of milk or a tank of gas.

And worst of all, your fantasy team is 0-4.

With all the recent talk about the country’s economic mess, it got me thinking: What about a fantasy football bailout? After all, since most of us use fantasy as a pleasant diversion from all the real-life troubles we’re faced with, what fun is it if your team is struggling, too?

If you’ve had a rough four weeks to open the season, consider this column a shred of hope. Unfortunately I can’t pretend to be big government and just swoop in and forgive you for making Jeff Garcia your starting QB; nor can I divide up the points from Brett Favre’s six touchdown passes from last Sunday and distribute them to failing teams at the bottom of the standings. But what I can do is outline my own version of a fantasy bailout plan. It’s a two-pronged strategy, involving guys to start and guys to sit this week, and I guarantee it will cost the American taxpayers nowhere near $700 billion.

Here’s what you need to do to rescue your fantasy team:

Start Michael Turner. He’s alternated good and bad games (rushing totals in his first four games: 220, 42, 104, 56; touchdown totals: two, zero, three, zero). This week looks like a good one against the Green Bay Packers, who are allowing 157 rushing yards a game.

Sit LenDale White. Yes, he had a 1-yard TD run last week. But rookie Chris Johnson had TWO short-yardage scores and is a more productive runner. Plus, the Tennessee Titans are playing the Baltimore Ravens (69 rushing yards a game, zero rush TDs allowed) this week.

Start Trent Edwards. Looking for someone to hold down the fort while Favre is on a bye this week? Edwards has thrown a touchdown every game this year and faces the Arizona Cardinals, who were just gashed by Favre last week.

Sit David Garrard. Everyone’s favorite QB sleeper (well, almost everyone) still hasn’t awakened (two TDs in four games). Now he faces the Pittsburgh Steelers – third in the NFL in pass defense, three TDs allowed, six INTs.

Start Joseph Addai. He’s got four TDs in four career games against the Houston Texans, who’ve given up seven rushing TDs already this year. You do the math.

Sit Felix Jones. The matchup with the Cincinnati Bengals sure seems tempting, but when a rookie running back gets zero carries the week before and is completely healthy (as far as we know), I can’t start him in good conscience the following Sunday.